eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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