I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
