I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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