I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
