So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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