If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
