Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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