I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
