i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
