is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
