Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
