Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
