I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
