she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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