i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
