So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you never un-have a 4some
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
