Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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