It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can text with my tongue
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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