If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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