NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
