I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
