i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
