I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
