I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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