You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
