i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
