I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
