I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
