Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
