Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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