where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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