....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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