I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
