Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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