if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
