I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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