Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
only you would photoshop your dick
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
