I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
