Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize
