Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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