i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
