MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
