White coat. Heels.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
