Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
