just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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