Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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