youre lurking in front of me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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