my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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