Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
