i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
