she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
