i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
