I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
