My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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