and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
