Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
