This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
