He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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