im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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